I've been reading Roissy recently and it's been quite enjoyable.
One thing that puzzles me though, is why it's the single-by-choice PUA crowd who systematically analyzed the "shit test" and how to respond to it when it's us married guys who face the most diabolical shit tests and and we do it without the luxury of being able to turn around and walk out the door. I think it's because men who don't already know how to deal with the shit test either can't get someone to marry them or they can't manage to stay married long enough to work out a system.
If you're unfamiliar with the term, a "shit test" is when a woman give you shit to see how you'll respond. The best known example is the sitcom trope "Does this dress make me look fat?" She isn't asking because she values your opinion or because she wants to be reassured about her attractiveness; she's asking to see if you'll answer like a man or not. (On a side note, my wife actually asked me this during the first year of our marriage. I responded by rolling my eyes and telling her I wasn't born yesterday. Make of that what you will.)
With that out of the way, I'd like to relate the story of one of the the nastiest shit tests I've ever heard of and how the hero triumphed by dint of simple manliness (what the PUA crowd calls alpha behavior, our generation having forgotten the correct term).
Ann was a school teacher and George worked as a forklift mechanic until he retired at 65 (still strong enough to beat some manners into a 30 year old welder on his last day). His retirement messed up their marriage no end. George had no idea what to do with himself all day and was starved for conversation when Ann came home full of resentment that she still had 10 years of trying to force literacy into the heads of unwilling teenagers before she could join him in doing nothing. Tensions built, arguements ensued and then Ann devised a truly vicious little shit test. Although her husband had traditionally handled all the home maintenance and remodeling (competently, although the demands of his job prevented him from doing the work as thoroughly as he would have liked), Ann announced that she she wanted the kitchen remodeled and, because she wanted the work done right for once, she was going to hire someone and oversee the work herself.
As she intended, George took this as a direct attack on himself and his worth as a man and he responded as a man should. He asked what she had budgeted, agreed that they could afford it, wished her luck and wandered off to the local salvage yard. Although the results were not what she had expected, Ann proceded to canvas the other teachers at school for recommendations and recieve a glowing recommendation a man we will call Chuck (his real name having been forgotten).
Soon Chuck arrived to begin the work. Chuck was very young and very handsome, which caused Ann to realize with concern that the recommendation she had accepted came from a young, single teacher who lived in an apartment. Her concerns were justified as it turned out that Chuck was dumber than a sack of hammers and, while he may have been skilled with a tool, it wasn't one you could buy at Sears.
While Chuck remembered to turn the water off before rerouting the pipes for the kitchen sink, he didn't realized that the pipes would still contain water until after beginning his first cut, which resulted in a shower of wet plaster barely missing the computer in Ann's downstairs office.
This upset Ann a great deal, but she still had hopes of showing George up. These hopes were dashed the next day when she smelled smoke. Chuck, it seems, was unaware of how to operate a brazing torch and had set his to produce the largest possible flame before setting the house on fire. One empty fire extinguisher later, Ann found herself in the garage apologizing to George and asking him to please keep an eye on the brainless wonder she had hired before they both found themselves homeless.
George expected this. In fact he had planned for it, although setting he house on fire was a more dramatic touch he had hoped for. George's first response had been to ask for her budget to see if it was adequate for hiring a competent contractor. Once he knew that it wasn't, failure was virtually ensured, so his next step was to visit the local salvage yard and launch the post retirement hobby he had been putting off: buying totaled, but repariable cars for a few dollars, repairing them and selling them for a few hundred. This meant that when Ann went to look for him he was hard at work, forcing her to apologize for interrupting instead of getting angry that he was sitting around while the house got destroyed. It also meant that his garage became a gathering place for the other retired gearheads in which their neighborhood was particularly rich, removing his dependency on his wife's conversation.
The story ended happily. Chuck recieved much much valuable instruction from George (which he was happy to recieve, although it's questionable how much he understood), Ann got a new kitchen and George regained the respect of his wife. George and Ann subsequently moved and, although he is now pushing 80, he has remodeled their new house and is currently redoing the landscaping.
They will soon be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and are, incidentally, my parents.
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